*aims gun*

dude, i have to stop watching and playing zombie related things. I got a gamecube. I got resident evil (1) remastered (awesome...just sooo scary)...and now my flatmate got shaun of the dead - preorder yeah baby! - its just too much for my fragile little mind! Oh yeah, and we got a huge tv. We rock!On the girl front - things are good :)On the work front - suck ass! 15000 lines of code, one intermittant error...i was feeling a bit stuck so i asked for help and no one wanted to give me the time of day. I mean, at least i wasnt a dumb ass sitting and waiting for help to come to me but GAH....some people.I just hope tomorrow is better.I have had waaaay to much coke than is healthy for one person at nearly midnight-o-clock hehe.

home again

and im back again. Ive been without the net for nearly 2 months solid, and hopefully should return to the new flat with it switched on.This last week has been a living hell. I am without claire, i have nothing to do, i lost my job before i even started it due to the company going bust, i am almost bankrupt....grr.My old job has been offered back and i took it back, i have no choice. it felt so good to be free of that place but now i must return. There is only so much you can take, and you know when you feel like you are straining on the very edge of that limit, like your leaning to a side over a great precipice against a piece of cotton that might break at any moment. Like that. I just feel that soon i wont be able to take any more, that the barrier will just break and i wont be able to cope anymore.I was talking to claire earlier, she is an amazing person who soothes my soul straight away when im feeling like the world is on my shoulders. I told her everything that was getting me down, and she genuinly understood, she has had it hard before and knows what its like i guess.It also puts things in perspective. She makes me happy and thats all you need right? It makes everything else seem so trivial. Its nice to be able to afford cd's and new clothes each month, but as long as i can pay for my rent, food and bills then im good. My wage only just stretches to that, so things are tight, but i think i might be falling for claire in a bigger way than i thought i would, and it puts all those things out of my mind.News? Im going to cyprus tomorrow, wow. Where did i get the money to pay for this if im so poor? I didnt ;) Courtesy of the parents, so im nto spending a penny. I feel awful though, i should be able to put something towards it but i just cannot.A while ago when i didnt realise the full extent of the money worries i bought a small book about the island. There are so many places i have planned to visit, i just hope we can get to them all. Im taking 3 cameras, so should have lots of pictures to archive of the trip. Im obsessed with archiving and keeping photos, i have no idea why. I record all my lectures and seminars, i have even brought my digital dictaphone to record any music nights they may have, any animal sounds i might hear. oh dear!rain rain rain again. its nice though, in a few days i will be complaining about the heat! The heat makes me terribly horny, i dont know why. Claire is seriously going to get it when i get back, i feel like im going to explode!adios!

Been ...

Been planting in the garden all day long. Hot work in the glaring sun but fun. I like being in the garden. Pricked out some petunias and blue minks, very pretty :)What was also nice was the fact it was alongside my grandparents, my grandma in her apron and floral skirt, it was lovely!And now after tea, i must pack. Its sad leaving to go back to living on my own for a while again :(

broke

I have £7 [approx $10 i think] to my name. Next week i get the student loan, and there will be much rejoicing.

ikky day

rain. Its quite nice, having a rainy day in, it gives you time to reflect. And i have a lot to think about really. Its days like this that make me want to open my sketchbook and just draw until my hearts content. Perhaps write something or other.And on another note...I have decided i will tell them, i really will [see last entry]. I really have to stop stressing about this, its just the way i am, not a flaw or anything. Ive known about this for years,and it hasnt bothered me, and all of a sudden it has all come to a head, and i have realised that sometime, and soon, i will have to tell them.I wonder what would happen if they stopped speaking to me? No, i have to stop thinking about this. it will drive me insane if i stress on about this too much.I hope my cats ok outside, it really is throwing it down. The poor thing is such a timid little kitty.Got new boots! red baseball boots, theyre so popular, and i hate the whole "fitting in" thing, but i just love them! Plus i needed a new pair of shoes i can kick the hell out of, my others are kicked to death so its about time for some new stuff.

hmm

i must come out to my parents, i must i must i must.Theyre so damn old fashioned, its going to break their hearts.I think i will just go back to college, and when im far away enough that they cant "sit me down to talk some sense into me", i will get my sister to tell them.ha! cowardly, but cunning!