To...

Today i actually talked to some of the other staff instead of being ignored lol. One thing that pissed me off was something some guy emailed around the office. Let me start from the beginning...when i joined i had to write a short article about myself what i like etc etc. So i did, and in it one line read "i like to hang out with my friends and girlfriend"...this was cut to "i like to hang out with my friends". Now, i know its not everyones cup of tea, but i wasnt exactly rubbing it in everyones faces.Anyhoo, i left it alone and didnt say anything - i understand how maybe he did it to protect me or something, or maybe its not company policy....but now i dont think that at all. Today he emailed around this picture of an HUGE obese naked woman swimming, from underwater with the title "what scares sharks". It was VERY graphic, and i cant believe he got away with it frankly, even in our VERY casual office. The thing is, i can see why thats funny - at first i laughed my ass off...but then it hit me that this was the same guy who commented out my article -- what is worse, the few words "my girlfriend", and me being gay, or explicit pictures? what the hell is going on? I dont think i can kick up a fuss or anything, ive only been there a short while, and a lot of people like this guy. grr.My girl will be over soon, sporting her new hair do...nothing drastic just a trim i think. Yay!

im ...early?

Yes you heard it here first, i am up and ready for work with time to kill. I really should go in early, as i would get to leave early...but that would be silly wouldnt it?! Woke up nice and cosy this morning, it was a good idea setting the heating on for 7-8am, when i awoke it looked fairly miserable outside. Cant imagine what its like around 6am when the flatmate gets up *shudder*.Had a worrying phone call last night. I had been trying to get through to my sister all evening, then finally at 7 she called me (her phone had been switched off). She was only waiting until it was free to call, and i told her off for that, as i can call her back - she had broken up with her long term boyfriend only days into getting to uni. Poor pet was distraught but had waited until 7 to call because it was free. She is panicking about money and everything, i felt so helpless, there was nothing i could do but support her and say im here if she needs to call and talk. I hope shes ok :(

I hate Tuesdays.

Tuesday is the day where you cant even begin to imagine the end of the week, not even if you really strain and break into a sweat in the process. What makes it worse is that for some reason i keep thinking its thursday, im a few days ahead of myself. So when i realise its tuesday, grr, makes me grumpy.Good news though...that huuuge half gigabyte zip file of Tristania's albums i downloaded, then found they were some weird .mpc file extension...well i found a damn good player, and i can even convert them too a normal format too. If anyone is into gothic rock, lots of intrumental and operatic overtones, go check them out. Theyre amazing.Im going to have a surf to find the best value TFT monitor that i can afford on payday (friday! *bouncy kitty*)...then its lasagne for dinner and a smoke. Theres no girly tonight, she has gone to her family members funeral - i really wish i could have gone to support her, but she seems ok with everything. Poor chica.

morning campers

bleh...work sucks. And its a beautiful day. So ive decided to wear ALL BLACK. with little red shoes, of course ;)laters loafers...

One day ill do a hard days work...

Ive been in my new job a month or more now, and i really havnt achieved all that much. I do tend to sit around not doing much most of the time, today was no exception. I put my headphones on and rocked out to deftones and yeah yeah yeahs all day. And a few others.The highlight of my day was the food delivery we had, all 10 bags or more of it! That should keep me going for say...3 days?! Lots of snacks, and at last some FRUIT too! My poor body feels so sluggish without fruit and fresh foods.My girl came over, cooked her dinner which was nice, even if it wasnt anything amazing, its just good to share a meal and snack off each others plates. Quite intimate and trusting i think...must be something primal from when we were monkeys. Oh dear, i must be tired!Before she got over i sat and designed a new look for this place, nothing amazing just different and it flows a lot better rather than the old pile of rubbish haha.Right now i have to sleep, im terribly tired. I think my brain just isnt getting enough exercise, especially at work. Just trawling through code hoping to hit upon the bug ive been assigned to fix. yawn. Bedtime, night night x

New choons

I have to admit, Type O Negatives album October Rust is fairly good, lots of pagan tones in there, "green man", "be my druidess", etc. Just didnt know they were that kind of thing, cool :)And that reminds me, Mabon soon! And definatly starting to feel like it:The sun crosses the equator and heads south, signaling the end of summer's impassioned days and the beginning of the quiet winter months.argh, i should really get myself to bed now. Ive just been thinking how good life is at the moment - i dont have a lot of money but that will sort itself out. And anyway, money isnt everything. I have my girl, who i am falling for in a way i have never experienced before, a good job, money coming in (eventually, its only my first month hehe), and a nice place to live. I have *eventually* come out to my sister, who took it really well...everything is cool at the moment.Do you ever reach a moment like that in your life where things are...comfortable? It feels really good. I had a really hard year last year, and i think it makes it feel all worth while to have worked so hard to get me to where i am now.

I cant work this new fangled thing...

Ok so i have never used the cut function with livejournal before, doh! Im so stupid, so im going to test it now.sheesh, that was scary wasnt it! Nearly got lost in cyber space.Got dropped off by my girl earlier, and have managed to get through resident evil (movie) without weeing myself or having a coronory. I will be sure to have nightmares though.Now for some more family guy! And then bed...

My rock funeral

From e_s_c_a_p_e_What will your Funeral be like? by rashockUsernameYou will die by:You body was found mangled in a brutal death from an insane lover or jealous significate other.The murderer was sentenced to death row but the chair or gas was too good for them. They sowed you up in a bag and tossed you in your casket, It's a closed case unless your friends and family want to be sick.Death Date:September 28, 2007Number attending your funeral?170How much will you leave to friends and family?$3,858,503Quiz created with MemeGen!

Too many crisps

Ive eaten way too many crisps. Spent the whole weekend with my girl which was wonderful. Watched some tv, played some cards, just fun togethery couply stuff. :) I really think she has been my medicine, i am feeling a lot better and my tonsils are soooo looking more healthy.And now tomorrow is monday. bleh. work. Must remember to call the bank and scrounge some more money from them heh heh.

air head

Im a total air headed mentrual ball of nonsense today. I went out to get ibuprofen for my swollen tonsils and cramps but came back with 4 packets of crisps and 10 cartons of juice. That is out of date.Oh yeah and i got one good thing, coconut bubblebath, so i have something for me and my girl to snuggle and bubble up in hehe.

Butch Or Femme?!

Your score placed you in the category of Hard Androgyne. This is the "tom boy" type of ranking. You may also wish to review Androgyne and Gentle Butch, the two categories surrounding you. In a ranking across the femme/butch gamut, if 1 is femme and 100 is butch, you fall between 53 and 60 on the scale. For a review of where you fall in the overall population in numbers, refer to this chart. Your group encompasses folks of all types, genders, and orientations; it includes a large number of males and averages around 41 years of age.Take the Butch/Femme test"You aren't extremely masculine, yet are more drawn to your masculine side than your feminine side. " -- sounds like me, although aesthetically, im very feminine, with long hair and an innocent look, im actually a bit of a slob haha!

ill!

bleh, definatly coming down with something unsavoury...you know your ill when there are ulcers filled with puss on your tonsils ew! knew that would gross you out!Im going back to lying on the sofa. I had a spurt of journal surfing and now im spent.

So much family guy...

Seeing as though the flatmate didnt get in from work until about 10pm (his boss is an evil slave driver) i have been sat watching family guy all evening. I only put it on because i realised i had been staring at the tv screen in a braindead fashion for half an hour watching a show about vitamins. ugh.I had the worst dream last night. It was about aliens, and i was trapped on a boat and they were trying to hunt me down. The funny thing is, when i woke up i realised the aliens looked like jabba the hut with legs, and they appeared to be covered in poo and twigs. At one point one of them spilt their beer on me as i hid under the escalator they were on......i need to smoke less before i go to bed.

told...my..sister

oh my...i told my sister. I told her. I cant believe i told her! She was fairly cool with it, said she would love me no matter what, but it was a bit weird. Understandable, but on the whole, as good as it can get and im a lot more relieved now. She *does* have a lot on in the way of moving to uni, leaving all her friends and her b/f behind, so i guess i sprung it on her at the wrong time.But...i kinda get thinking, and is it really that big a deal? All she has to do is accept it, and then theres nothing more to it really. Theres a lot of adjusting, but in todays society...its not a whole lot to adjust to.Im just glad shes ok with it. She broke the PC again, and i was kinda sad i couldnt be there to fix it because its brand new, and shes taking it to uni. I just felt so helpless because she was getting all upset and hoping my parents wont shout at her. She will get it fixed, im sure. I just wish i could have done more, only its hard over the phone to try and fix something you cant see!Roast dinner tonight, i made it for my girl too, she has had a few very rough days. She lost a member of her family, and the company she works for is making everyone redundant next april. Its far away, but still, she has worked there for 5 years nearly, and it feels like shes losing something she (and many others that are like family at the company) have built from scratch. I just dont know what to do apart from try and be there as much as i can for her. I feel quite helpless. Shes quite tough, she will be ok - just a lot to happen in a couple of days :(I left the living room earlier for 30mins and came back to find my flatmate almost asleep in the chair sideways...he is being made to work so much overtime its unreal. He gets up at 6.30, and doesnt get back in (after an hours commute by train) until after 7 on a normal day, so staying at work until 8pm onwards means a veeery late finish, doh.well...bedtime, my poor brain cant take anymore and this post is getting too long! g'nite world...

touchy feely stuff

I had such an amazing nights sleep, although i did have one crazy nightmare, ones where you wake up gasping for air your so scared. I was going to have a great day going out and browsing the shops and generally doing what i liked but my other half was feeling a little down. Shes ok, we talked a lot and i think shes feeling a little better now. Im not sure what brought it on, i think shes feeling a bit down about her business and worrying about money. It sort of came about after i showed her my web portfolio i designed, then she started talking about how amazing it was and asking if i could re-do her website that she just finished yesterday for her business. Its weird, and i hope it isnt this, but i think she feels pressured to kinda compete with what i had done, she keeps having these feelings of inadequacy (sp?)...but shes a great designer and i feel bad, like ive done something wrong when i havnt. It will be ok. Just a weird dilemma.I havnt got any jobs done today that i was supposed to do. I need some toilet paper, girl things, shampoo (special coconut stuff, anyone else addicted to that scent as much as i am?!)...and thats about it. Its 3.30pm now, perhaps i can meander into town and pick a few things up if i ever snap out of my lazy mood.

another long day

I hate just sitting watching the clock and willing it to go faster. Another day of that.First up was to try and solve yesterdays oh-so-lovely programming delight, which i did once i pestered someone to tell me wtf it was all about. I cant believe they just give you something and expect you to know the answer. grr. Oh well, live and learn.Made a start on the next problem they gave me but i lost the will to live after about...hmm...5 minutes. Do you ever wonder if your doing the right thing? I just think im on the wrong path altogether. I want to create, to design, to fully get stuck into making something wonderful for myself or someone else. What i do now just doesnt really do much for me...the end results do, its just working up to that frustrates me.Other than that im pretty upbeat. dinnertime i think.

*aims gun*

dude, i have to stop watching and playing zombie related things. I got a gamecube. I got resident evil (1) remastered (awesome...just sooo scary)...and now my flatmate got shaun of the dead - preorder yeah baby! - its just too much for my fragile little mind! Oh yeah, and we got a huge tv. We rock!On the girl front - things are good :)On the work front - suck ass! 15000 lines of code, one intermittant error...i was feeling a bit stuck so i asked for help and no one wanted to give me the time of day. I mean, at least i wasnt a dumb ass sitting and waiting for help to come to me but GAH....some people.I just hope tomorrow is better.I have had waaaay to much coke than is healthy for one person at nearly midnight-o-clock hehe.

home again

and im back again. Ive been without the net for nearly 2 months solid, and hopefully should return to the new flat with it switched on.This last week has been a living hell. I am without claire, i have nothing to do, i lost my job before i even started it due to the company going bust, i am almost bankrupt....grr.My old job has been offered back and i took it back, i have no choice. it felt so good to be free of that place but now i must return. There is only so much you can take, and you know when you feel like you are straining on the very edge of that limit, like your leaning to a side over a great precipice against a piece of cotton that might break at any moment. Like that. I just feel that soon i wont be able to take any more, that the barrier will just break and i wont be able to cope anymore.I was talking to claire earlier, she is an amazing person who soothes my soul straight away when im feeling like the world is on my shoulders. I told her everything that was getting me down, and she genuinly understood, she has had it hard before and knows what its like i guess.It also puts things in perspective. She makes me happy and thats all you need right? It makes everything else seem so trivial. Its nice to be able to afford cd's and new clothes each month, but as long as i can pay for my rent, food and bills then im good. My wage only just stretches to that, so things are tight, but i think i might be falling for claire in a bigger way than i thought i would, and it puts all those things out of my mind.News? Im going to cyprus tomorrow, wow. Where did i get the money to pay for this if im so poor? I didnt ;) Courtesy of the parents, so im nto spending a penny. I feel awful though, i should be able to put something towards it but i just cannot.A while ago when i didnt realise the full extent of the money worries i bought a small book about the island. There are so many places i have planned to visit, i just hope we can get to them all. Im taking 3 cameras, so should have lots of pictures to archive of the trip. Im obsessed with archiving and keeping photos, i have no idea why. I record all my lectures and seminars, i have even brought my digital dictaphone to record any music nights they may have, any animal sounds i might hear. oh dear!rain rain rain again. its nice though, in a few days i will be complaining about the heat! The heat makes me terribly horny, i dont know why. Claire is seriously going to get it when i get back, i feel like im going to explode!adios!

Been ...

Been planting in the garden all day long. Hot work in the glaring sun but fun. I like being in the garden. Pricked out some petunias and blue minks, very pretty :)What was also nice was the fact it was alongside my grandparents, my grandma in her apron and floral skirt, it was lovely!And now after tea, i must pack. Its sad leaving to go back to living on my own for a while again :(

broke

I have £7 [approx $10 i think] to my name. Next week i get the student loan, and there will be much rejoicing.

ikky day

rain. Its quite nice, having a rainy day in, it gives you time to reflect. And i have a lot to think about really. Its days like this that make me want to open my sketchbook and just draw until my hearts content. Perhaps write something or other.And on another note...I have decided i will tell them, i really will [see last entry]. I really have to stop stressing about this, its just the way i am, not a flaw or anything. Ive known about this for years,and it hasnt bothered me, and all of a sudden it has all come to a head, and i have realised that sometime, and soon, i will have to tell them.I wonder what would happen if they stopped speaking to me? No, i have to stop thinking about this. it will drive me insane if i stress on about this too much.I hope my cats ok outside, it really is throwing it down. The poor thing is such a timid little kitty.Got new boots! red baseball boots, theyre so popular, and i hate the whole "fitting in" thing, but i just love them! Plus i needed a new pair of shoes i can kick the hell out of, my others are kicked to death so its about time for some new stuff.

hmm

i must come out to my parents, i must i must i must.Theyre so damn old fashioned, its going to break their hearts.I think i will just go back to college, and when im far away enough that they cant "sit me down to talk some sense into me", i will get my sister to tell them.ha! cowardly, but cunning!

"your my million dollar mum"

I got all these little note thingys which say "i promise to give you a big hug/cup of coffee/shopping trip because your my million dollar mum"...sickly, but my mum thought they were cute *shrug*.The revision went a step further, it reached dizzying heights as i bought a whole notebook too write stuff down in. lol.My ear really hurts, i think i poked it in the night, or maybe got something stuck in there, whatever happened it really hurts. Maybe i punched myself in the ear while i was sleeping. i dunno!

23

i am completely obsessed with the number 23. Its the chaos number.Once you start to notice it, and the whole synchronicity of the 23 enigma [i started noticing on the 17.03.03 last year..... to freak you out even more 17+3+3 = 23].I need to get out more.

to feed my twisted mind

"I sleep in the ground. I fuck there too."....gotta love that from zombiequeen. ;)

random quote of the day

"If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old." I wish i was old. Life will be hilarious when im old.

feet

my feet smell odd. I tihnk theyre frying to bits because ive got some little electric heater toasting my toes off.BAFTA's are boring. Just as predictable as always. Glad little britain won something though, that show creases me up.and very quickly:Finger accidentally flushed down toiletThis is a little creepy - island of the dolls, shudder!Lennons last autograph on sale for £180,000.Thats a lot of money, but it was signed [with a small doodle of lennon and yoko done by themselves] just 15 mins before he was shot. Im going to trawle the net for more useless news, this is becoming a really bad obsession.

yadda yadda

Being home for the easter holidays has been good on the free food/lodgings/washing etc front [plus seeing my family, im not completely devoid of love you know ;) ]....but ive had nothing too do. I really could have done a lot more revision but ive done some, which is better than nothing.On the up side i was caught by suprise in the supermarket today, trailing round bored behind my mother. The bic runga album was just sitting there staring at me. I got addicted to her when i heard "sway" on the american pie soundtrack,and have always loved that track. I have never come across anything by them in the shops until now, and it was weird how it stood out on the shelf like it did. I thought Bic Runga was the bandname, but its actually just the female solo artists name, cool huh. I was quite suprised at how good the album is, i expected it to have one or two good songs on (including sway), and lots of 'filler' tracks, you know, the silly wishy washy crap they fill up the space with. But its pretty good.At least the weather was better today. Sat in the garden for all of 5 minutes before i got bored of the cat running around me in circles, falling on the floor and wiggling his belly at me...so i came inside and got my gore fix by watching kill bill with my sister and her b/f. I have to admit, i hated the film the first time round. This time i found it growing on me a little more.The first time i watched it was in silence, and just didnt provoke anything in me at all, apart from bordom and 'thats so unrealistic'. But sitting in a chilled atmosphere and talking about the scenes with sis & martin was quite cool. I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more, and it matched the mood.Why do i think that if i keep printing out my lecture notes [but not reading them] that the information will somehow magically pop into my brain ready for my exams? bah!Oh and im officially going to cyprus with family, only thing is its on the wrong side. All the good historical stuff is on the west, and were on the east. Its quite far to travel to visit the other side....hmm. Apparently the east side of the island is the 'man-made' area...im sure it will still be good. If there is nothing to see, i will learn to scuba-dive, its supposed to be a diving hotspot. I want flippers!

pointless quiz time...

[11 Apr 2004|05:57pm] THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:01 | zombies02 | earwigs03 | surgery/gore------------------------------------------------------------THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:01 | paul02 | my cat [yes....you heard]03 | my sister------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I LOVE:01 | being open02 | art/creativity03 | history------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I HATE:01 | peanut butter02 | racists, bigots, etc03 | going out to places that are really busy, ugh-----------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:01 | how people get so stupid02 | how to open cartons of things03 | how to get things back in the box-----------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:01 | mobile/cellphone02 | a zillion pens [theyre breeding]03 | a bit of paper that simply says "do not destroy"------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:01 | waiting for dinner02 | thinking about exams03 | wondering when clair will send me a message ;)------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:01 | travel the WHOLE world inside out02 | love, truly and completely...and happily03 | eat bugs------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I CAN DO:01 | draw, quite well02 | count to 10 in italian...or is it spanish?03 | drive, but not legally------------------------------------------------------------THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:01 | mecurial02 | deep03 | laid back------------------------------------------------------------THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:01 | sing02 | do cartwheels03 | sing...again, its that bad...there was more but i got bored. and now my mum wants the computer, so i shall go. bah.

...and now to feed my news addiction

Surfer completes 10,407 days surfing. This guy sounds like a total crackpot, cool, but a complete nut job. get this:Now he needs ear surgery to remove calcium deposits built up by the relentless exposure to water. His eyes are partially covered with scar tissue from too many years of looking into the sun.eww.---------------------------------------------a Pensioner has been found too smelly for swimming baths, and has been banned! I know wht its like though (not to be banned for being too smelly, sheesh!), i work with a guy who i swear washed with a lump of chedder each day, its just wrong.---------------------------------------------I should do some more revision now...i sat all morning for 5 hours doing it, and it sort of gives you the impression your doing something, but about 85% of the time i was eating/watching tv/helping my mum close pop ups on the computer screen. *slams head on desk*.

Questions

ok, i dont really have any other friends on here, but:Ask me 3 questions, and 3 questions only.When you have done that, paste this into your own diary for others to do the same.fire away! *ducks*

i really should be revising...

But instead i have been sucking the juice out of ananova, check this out:lesbian kiss shown in a high school play. Im all for the gay issues being addressed, but these kids may not even have matured enough to fully understand it all, theyre just being used as pawns in a silly game. Makes me kinda mad.....right, back to revising!

friends

meh...found an interesting looking journal by searching for bournemouth, and added in the hope i would make friends lol. Had a quick peek at the interests and saw "bisexual" and "bournemouth", so it tweaked my interest hehe.bah still havnt put up the damn links!

wow...i actually achieved something!

Ive officially opened this new blog, without any sort of hassle or crazy error messagesfrom lj...it always happens to me.Im going to be adding some links, and hopefully dedicating most of the posts in the journal to my studies. But you just know i will be adding snippets of news and randomness in there too.enjoy!

wow...i actually achieved something!

Ive officially opened this new blog, without any sort of hassle or crazy error messagesfrom lj...it always happens to me.Im going to be adding some links, and hopefully dedicating most of the posts in the journal to my studies. But you just know i will be adding snippets of news and randomness in there too.enjoy!

blah

testing...